Empty threats...

So hopefully I am not alone in finding this to be a pretty big part of parenthood?

Mabes is particularly testing at times and in recent weeks we have taken to looking at new ways to manage this (at some point surely every parent also worries that they have lost control and need to be firmer on the discipline front? No..just me?)
So she refuses to do what she is told, i try the, "do it now or there will be no tv before bath tonight"

She glances at me. I reckon she can detect in my voice the tone of someone who hasn't thought this through. Who am I kidding, any tv ban is gonna hurt me more. Too late, I have to see it through. She takes her chances and continues doing whatever she wants. An hour later I am still waiting for the chance to reassert my authority and finally it comes,
"Can I watch Ben and Holly now?"
"No, remember before when mummy said..." I begin
She has seen a light up flashing ball under the sofa and goes to aim it at her brothers head before I can even finish the sentence. Completely unbothered. Dam it.

Wilf is as bad, stropping when he doesn't get what he wants I find myself saying, "no Wilf" repeatedly, "Mabel is playing with it, you have to give it back" until the screams get so loud Mabel looks at me, eye brows raised and just passes it over. "Think he must have sore teeth mummy" she explains. Jeez how often must I have said that to excuse his behaviour for my two year old to pick it up. The screams then stop immediately. I remind myself for the second time this week, o.k day, that I must nip this in the bud.

Then I realise even G Kisby laughs in the face of my threats. I broke my phone ages ago and have been using a relic from the Nokia museum ever since. He wanted a new iPhone 5 so suggested that if I waited until it came out I could just have his old iPhone. Months after the release I am still waiting.
"Right, if you don't get a new contract sorted this week I am having your phone and you can use this one" I threaten
"I don't think so" he laughs with a face of, well, bemusement.
"Right. O.k then..." Rubbish. What the hell.

Finally to top it off I have found the new level of giving myself empty threats. Said stupid phone barely has predictive text and definitely don't even get me started on the spelling functionality. "Right, that's it. No more texts, I am not putting up with your crapness anymore" 
Puts phone down. 
Good. 
Way to tell the phone, bet it feels bad now.

Needless to say I am still using it...